Pie War 2012
We have lain idle too long. FORTH, PIEORLINGAS!!!!!
Date: April 6, 2012
Categories: Random craziness
Friday, 3 May 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
We have lain idle too long. FORTH, PIEORLINGAS!!!!!
Date: April 6, 2012
Categories: Random craziness
Let’s get this pie war started!
*builds fort*
*reloads pie launcher*
FIRST POOOOST!
*pies no one in particular*
I think we should form some sides. That way we’re not just haphaza-SPLAT!
You know what? I’m gonna pie bookgirl_me just for saying first post.
And now I’m going to build a zeppelin and soar over the skies pieing everyone else.
And at the end of this pie war, I’m gonna say, “I used to a Muser like you, but then I took an to the knee.” Actually, scratch that. I am and always will be a Muser.
I like the forming groups idea. In the good ‘ol days there were plenty of teams and that was more sophisticated fun.
*ducks pies*
*ducks behind a barricade and motions Cskia over*
“Ahem…so about those alliances…” I wipe whipped cream off of my right cheek.
I would like to join this alliance. What shall be the its name?
*dodges pie as it whizzes over the barricade*
The Totally Radical Justice Heroes IN SPACE
I duck behind the barricade and smile at muselover and KA. “You guys seem like nice, trustable people. An alliance sounds good, although I wouldn’t know what to name it.”
The barricade turns around revealing itself to be a swalot, or in other words Swalot who is munching on pies. “Can I be a part of the alliance too? I can easy pies flung at you!”
i don’t even know what an alliance is!!! i am such a… *pie hits me in shoulder* …derp i don’t know the first thing about war! i don’t even… *pie whooshes into my stomach* …know how to build a catapoult nonetheless a… *pie hits leg* …pie thrower!!!
Do I have permission to join your alliance? I’m small and very innocent-looking, so I can easily infiltrate enemy lines and pie people. Plus, with my size, I can squeeze through tight spaces. AND, since I’m a llama, I can easily carry supplies (ie pies) over long distances!
Mwhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
:arrow:: arrow:
*flings pies around randomly*
*builds gigantic fort and stocks it with millions of pies*
*Builds automated laser movement sensing pie catapult*
*becomes invisible grows 50ft tall and can lift pies as big as meteors*
*becomes invisible and grows second mouth for more efficient ammunition eating*
*wanders in with ammunition, considering what side to join*
*launches at pie catapult*
I will admit that when it comes to choosing sides I’m a bit of a traditionalist. The Pie-War Lovers were my first time and I’ll join whoever offers the most opportunities to pie other people.
This probably means I’ll end up joining the smaller team, because that way I have more enemies who are easier to hit. Pies Away! *throws loads of pastries at Cskia, museloover, KA, Areohawk, and RainbowStorm, just cause they seem the most organized so far.*
Areohawk/Swalot eats all the pies flung at his team from FantasyFan! “MWAHAHAHA, you haven’t had a pie war in which someone eats every pie thrown at him, now have you?”
*Swallows the pies….*
*readies the pietapults which is totally a word you shut up spellcheck*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAA!
And thus the cycle begins anew… I never thought I’d live to see a pie war. The atrocities of spikèd pies and pie-bazookas were fresh on MBers’ minds in 2008… The Pieceful Pie Planet was a place of calm and tranquility… a rest from the pain and suffering of the war. The MBers swore never to fling pies in rage, only in welcome or for a good laugh. The “war” of 2010 was mere sport, experimentation in the art of pie ballistics. Not a soul was harmed (although a few were insulted) and all was well on the ‘Blog.
But a new generation has arisen, guided by the paleophytes, who never quite forgot the old grudges… The gruesome image of the ground splattered with custard and blueberries and cherries and a myriad of incredibly more dangerous fillings–only a memory, faded into myth.
This is the era of the New Pie Wars, one darker and more dangerous than ever before.
That’s just because of the added dark chocolate. *pies*
*wanders in*
*runs out*
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
*pies Swalot* *multiple times*
FOR ROHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
ALRIGHT, TIME TO GET SOME FRIENDS
“Selky, Maths Lover, TNO, you guys up for forming a rebellion against the Cskialliance?” I yell over the din of the pies splattering on walls and faces.
(By the way, <3 for rebooting this.)
“I’ll join your alliance!” I yell back at Castle. *throws pies at the Cskialliance*
Certainly I’m up for it! The Cskialliance will never prevail!
(We DID interact. I just went back to Classic Pie War, Part 1 and found this from you. People were trying to recruit me to different sides.
“*pies eragon* Why PUS? We’ve got a cooler acronym.”)
“I’m here!” I shout, and launch another barrage of pies at the Cskialliance.
*maniacal bodiless laughter is heard over the din of the pastry battle, and suddenly a wild Selky appears next to you, coat fluttering in the wind in the most fantastically cliche way possible*
“I’m here now! But then, I’ve always been here. You just didn’t notice. ;D ”
*pulls piezuka from fluttery longcoat and takes aim at the motion detecting bits of the pie catapult*
The pies hit their target with a resounding SPLAT.
Selky turns to Castle and says, grinning mischievously, “You just have to dream a little bigger, darling.”
Because that was just too great an opportunity to pass up. :>
((Wait wait wait THERE IS AN ALLIANCE NAMED AFTER ME?! I DON’T RECALL AGREEING TO THIS))
I duck behind Swalot and try to recall my ancient recipe for Titanite pies.
“Cake. We need some more people on our side,” I say, dodging a banana cream and piezooking five key limes in succession.
I nod in agreement. “Maybe if we put up an attractive, colorful banner…”
Whipped cream splatters all over my head all of a sudden. I fling out a key lime pie without bothering to aim and then duck down further. “Uh, forget the colorful banner, would camouflage be a better idea?”
YOU CAN RUN
BUT YOU CAN’T HIIIIIDE
I was told to come here.
take that, :mrgreen:.
That is all
A lone figure marches up to the top of a hill already being covered in a layer of apple-and-bananna cream filling. She plants a lone flag in the ground at the very peak–a dark, rippling green, with a stylized “J” sewn on in tiny, dark red gems. It flashes in the sunlight as her pie-poler bear rears up behind and she cries, “TO ME, LONG-LOST COMPANIONS. WE WHO HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN OUR FALLEN COMRADES, WE WHO LONG FOR VENGENCE. TO ME, JADESTONE SIDE! WE WILL MARCH AGAIN.”
With that she flings a pie at Sweet Melponene and runs giggling behind the hill.
Melpomene? I have heard the name, hallowed in half-forgotten legend. But surely her crust has long since fallen. Can it be that even today…?
“Her crust still holds!” I say to the shadowy heron flitting around the battlefield. It moves too fast to be hit by a pie, but appears to be insubstantial anyway – almost ghostlike.
Selky gazes, entranced, at this ethereal creature. A pie makes contact with the side of her face, covering half her head in blueberry filling. This goes unnoticed, as the ghost-bird capers off into the distance.
FOR THE LUNAR REPUBLIC
FOR PRINCESS CELESTIA
FOR CATS EVERYWHERE!
LITTLEBASEMENTKITTEN! JOIN MY ARMY OF CATULAS!
“Sweet Melpomene!” yells Castle. “Get down!”
As Melpmene ducks, his gaze searches the battlefield for cover. Spotting a small concrete building, he summons his team. “Mikazuki, TNO, AL, Selky! Over here!” Suddenly, a dull light gleams all around him. Looking behind him, he sees a lone figure silhouetted at the top of Banapple Mountain. Planting the flag she was holding, the silhouette plants her feet in the ground and shouts as a bear lifts its front legs into the air. “TO ME, JADESTONE SIDE!” she calls. “WE WILL MARCH AGAIN!”
The light disappears and the figure begins to move, and Castle looks around for his friends. They’ve started moving toward the concrete building. “I’ll meet you there!” he cries. As he moves to the shelter, a key lime pie flies out from behind the Cskialliance’s barricade and clips his shoulder.
“YAAAAAAAH! THROW, IN THE NAME OF THE UNICORN SLAYERS OF OLD!” Castle yells, turning in the direction of the barricade and pulling two compact Minipie launchers from the deep pockets of his long leather coat. He fires three times, and is rewarded with the sound of three splats, though he’s not sure if they hit anything.
*erects fortress of doom upon highest ground availible*
*climbs across pieranha-infested blackberry moat*
*closes drawbridge*
*three pies hit door just as it closes, the first managing to just barely splatter the inside of the fortress with filling*
*flings cherry pies at Castle with pie slingshot*
I SEE YOU THERE CASTLE, THIS IS A GAME YOU DO NOT WANT TO START WITH ME
*ducks Jadestone’s pie*
The pie hits a wall behind me. A single cherry flies out and hits me in the back of the head. I pick it up off the ground. I stick my thumb in it and drive my cherry-thumb into the center of a fresh banana cream pie. I send the cherry-centered-banana cream pie back in Jadestone’s general direction, arcing it high over the fortress of doom.
Maths Lover creeps towards her side’s building, then hears someone reference a book she likes. Fortunately her muser instincts just override her nerdiness and she aims two pies at the speakers. Hopefully they made contact.
Staying out of sight of Jadestone, she runs into the building and shuts the door. It has been used for similar purposes before– it’s armed with pie cannons, perfect for the ammunition people have brought.
“It’s a pleasure to join your alliance”, she says to the others.
BRING OUT THE DARK CHOCOLATE!
One of the pie cannons is used for the first time in years.
“Nice to have you, Maths Lover.”
I look over at the wall. The din of pie war is still echoing around outside, but the door is shut and we’re safe for now.
“We need to take out Jadestone. We can either neutralize her or recruit her, but we can’t defend against Jadestone at our backs and the Cskialliance at our fronts,” I say. “Let them fight for now. Let’s look around.”
Spying a crate marked with the symbol of a pie, I walk over to it. There’s a crowbar lying on the ground next to it. I grab the crowbar and pry the top loose.
“Mr. Freeman, I presume?” I mutter under my breath. I kick off the top. Inside lies the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Along with a sizable stash of pie cannons, there’s another small box inside. I open it and remove a layer of foam padding, taking out what sits beneath.
“Hey, guys,” I say, grinning. “Check it out.” In my palm lies a small, flat disc. The disc projects a small hologram, presumably the pie it fires off when activated.
Selky snatches the disk from Castle’s hands, eyeing it like a bull in a china shop, although that’s quite the wrong expression. (Let’s pretend it’s a very sophisticated bull with a discerning eye for fine china)
She brings the disk to her face, sniffs it, and briefly flicks her tongue across its surface a few times.
“Well… tastes like pie to me,” she says.
I hear a solid thunk from above. Someone must have thrown a pie onto the battlements.
Fondly, I dust off an old sign–
“JADESTONE SIDE:
Now accepting members”
and hang it back up on the door. It’s been too long.
So very, very long. Long enough that few will remember what all the old ruins hold. There are treasures there I can distinctly remember, if I can just find them…
I go back to the sign, and add another note:
“JADESTONE SIDE:
Now accepting members
Glory-seekers welcome“
Pretty signs have always been my weakness. Running across the battlefield, dodging, ducking, bobbing and weaving the pastry projectiles, I reached the sign.
JADESTONE SIDE:
Now accepting members
Glory-seekers welcome
Any side with such a nice sign could be worth joining. I knock on the door, hoping I don’t get friendly fire in response.
I heard a knock on the door.
“PASSWORD!” I yelled, and rushed to the wall to peek through a pie-arrow slot. There wasn’t any password, but the initial confusion of whoever was out there would give me enough time to identify them as an enemy or potential partner.
Radient_Darkness stood outside the door. He’d have to have run a significant distance to get to the Fortress, and was half-covered in an assortment of fillings. There was no sign of an army at his back, so before he had the chance to respond to my confusing demand, I began to lower the drawbridge.
“Hurry inside then!” I called cheerfully.
Hiding behind a barricade, I suddenly realize that Castle managed to recruit people by referencing things. “Hey, everyone!” I yell. “The pie is a lie! Uh, I mean, 42! Allons-y! Oh…oh cake,” I say when Castle pulls out…”Is that what I think it is?”
A rather peculiar expression creeps across my face as I realize three things.
Firstly, that I seem to be alternating between first and third person,
Secondly, that I have absolutely no idea what that disk is, and whether my saliva has activated it or not,
And thirdly, that it has hit me very hard upon hearing the last bit of muselover’s panicked commentary from across the battlefield that I have a VERY dirty mind.
I have no words. Words are incapable of describing my feelings right now. Let’s put it this way:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA AHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, I’m done now.
I storm out of the building holding the small black device. It’s still projecting a hologram. I point it at the Cskialliance’s fortified position to our south and squeeze either side of it. The blue glow around the hologram slowly fades to white and then back in to red. It emits a single timid beep. A pie whizzes by my ear, but I ignore it.
I climb up on top of the bunker and procure a small CB-radio-like handset and depress the button.
“You back there!” I say into it. “You’ve got one chance to cease fire and let us safely retreat, or I launch this thing!”
As I say that, I squeeze the opposite two sides and the hologram expands until it’s the size of a small car, easily visible from the Alliance’s position 20 meters away. I look up at the hologram and smile to myself. Floating in the sky is something not seen in this sector of the galaxy for years.
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▀►
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“It’s disarmed!” I call to the Alliance. “After the ending of the last Great Pie War, all of the Pastries of Mass Confection had their cream cores removed, so it won’t harm you. But it’ll bury you in a mountain of tasty goodness so deep that by the time you get out we’ll be halfway to Dornavenk! Easy way or hard way, guys, your choice.”
I beckon my team closer.
((Castle sent this visualization of his holographic pie thrower preparing to hurl the Spike Pie o’ Doom.))
“Koko’s Apprentice? Any chance your master could help us out? We’re getting beat up over here!” I say, tossing aside my now-defunct pie launcher and using my hand instead.
“What is even going on here? How come so many people are teamed up against us?” I whisk out some leftover Titanite pies and hurl them in the direction of Castle. Obviously, I miss.
I fling a blackberry pie (topped with whipped cream) and duck behind a conveniently placed boulder for protection from whizzing pastries. “Wait, what’s that?” I think to myself. A Pastry of Mass Confection had appeared out of nowhere. And I hear a voice shouting in the distance but I can’t make out what he’s saying.
As the Pastry Of Mass Confection hovers above the seemingly small fort. As out may seem all hope is lost, but wait, what is that in the atmosphere? A giant tentacle worms its way down and grips onto the side of the Pastry of Mass Confection. Shortly followed by 7 more tentacles.
It was a giant space squid called upon by the Cskialliance in their time if need.
The monolith starts exerting force and twists the pie, very small compared to the giant space squid out of the atmosphere of the planet where it explodes into creamy goodness leaving the Cskialliance perfectly safe as well as the opposing warriors.
Selky, upon spotting the monstrous cephalopod the Cskialliance has summoned, has only one thought in his head.
“Isn’t that an octopus…?”
Hearing the chaos of battle all around me, I decide that now is the time to make some friends.
The well-fortified structure up the hill seems to be a good place to start, and the vibrantly green sign looks welcoming. Looking left and right to ensure that no one is watching me, I knock on the door.
“Hello? Jadestone? Is anyone there?”
“Don’t despair, fellow Sith slash browncoats slash Un-named Group of Awesome People!” I call. (I was trying to make up for the fact that I probably had my fandom wrong before and had actually heard a reference to the ponies.)
I send some delicous chocolatey pies in the direction of the Cskialliance, only for them to be stopped by a tentacle and lifted out of sight. After seeing Selky’s methods of defense, I shouldn’t be surprised.
“SPUGAP? Amazingly enough that actually sounds like a word…” I squint up at the giant space squid, wondering if it has any useful allergies we can exploit. Probably not.
I arm one of the pie cannons and fire off a round of strawberry pies, all but one of which is intercepted by a tentacle. “I think we may need to reconsider our strategy.”
*SBUGAP
*SSBSUNGOAP
*S/B/SUNGOAP?
I screech loudly, having suddenly found myself amidst a pie-flinging monstrosity of a battleground, and seek cover. Inside a small cave, I decide that I am undeserving of participating in the Pie War, having been on the MuseBlog only sporadically for three years. I consider waiting it out and only emerging to congratulate the victors.
“What. A giant space squid…. what–”
I look around our team, wide-eyed. “KA, muselover, Swalot, any idea what’s going on? Should we build some sort of protective structure, because right now seems like a good idea for that? Or recruit more people? Or do more pie-throwing? Is our alliance really named the Cskialliance, because I still can’t get over that? Should we reconsider the colorful banner? Am I rambling? Would you like a microphone?”
I hand muselover a microphone anyways.
And suddenly,
…..
…
.
…
…..
goes hurtling out of our barricades from the pie launcher I left sitting next to me to the structure on the hill.
“This looks familiar…”
I manage to fight my way through the battle of pies that is taking place until I am behind Castle. “FOR KOKOPELLI!” I cry, and fling a shower of lemon meringue on the Cskialliance.
I descend upon the battlefield from my lunar base, in my black tuxedo and bronze goggles.
“Hello, all! I am here to be a mercenary for anyone with the first offer. But be warned, a great offer from the other side could give you an advantage!” I yell out into the chaos.
Selky runs up to you and tackle-hugs you.
“The rebellion offers you, ah… companionship! And fulfillment! And… choice edibles. I don’t think we have any money, though, if that’s what you’re looking for. Unless any of my comrades know otherwise…”
I frantically tie my neon orange towel to the end of a stick and wave it in the direction of Enc.
“Please join us!” I yell, snatching the microphone from muselover. “We have Kokopelli’s apprentice, a Swalot, awesome people who love Muse, Titanite pies, and apparently a giant space squid!”
I see Selky run to Enc, so I launch into a full-scale recruitment dance (it involves twirling around the towel while making squidlike arm movements). “We also have pie! Uh, well, so do everyone else, but. We have… we have… oh look, a Babel fish! Where did it come from?!…”
Seeing that my trusted friend, the giant space squid, has joined Cskia’s alliance, I make a decision to reunite with the giant space squid.
I jump on the back of the giant space squid, armed with my Saturnian pies. We begin flying around, like in one of those fantasy movies where the protagonist communes with a mystical animal and beats the cake out of whatever enemies en has.
______________________\
<———————-| \
<———————-| (O) / = = = = = = [[} [[} [[} [[} [[} [[}
<———————-|______________________/
/
FOR LIBERTY, JUSTICE, AND BEYOND!
“Saturnian pies for the win!” Seeing Enc become an ally has lifted my spirits, and I unleashed more Titanite pies. I tie the neon orange towel around my neck like a cape and perform a happydance.
28- Hurry in now! Something’s about to go down at the Cskialliance fortress, and I want to get a good view!
30- Nonsense! Come on out for some pastry-flinging!
I jump up and down, excited by the giant cephalopod hovering on the horizon. I wonder if the pie-kraken that frequented my moat in the last pie war is still around, and whether he’d be interested in returning to his old position.
On a whim, I pull a dusty tarp off a pile next to me. Oh frabjous day! The old cannons I used to use! They look a bit outdated among some of the fancier technology I can spot now, but they were always servicable and show no signs of real damage.
The Jadestone side is reinstating the “cannon for every member” policy!
*fires aimlessly into sky for fun*
________________________
|…………..CANNON……………\
|…………………………………….\
|[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}~~~[}~~~[}~~~[}~
|……………………………………./
|___/____\________________/
…../……….\
…/_______\
Splattered with pies, I run to Jadestone’s fortress. I hope I will be able to join their alliance. I’m late to arrive, and I’ve never been in a pie war before. But I do like the whole “Cannon for every member” policy.
I have no idea which side I’m on, except that I’m probably not so much against FantasyFan. Then I see a sign advertising the Jadestone side and enter the shed (after being interrogated as to the password) to find Jadestone handing out pie cannons.
Enc is standing out in the open, doing a recruitment dance with *Cskia and Selky, so I charge my new pie cannon- targets like that are just asking for it.
FOR THE SHIRE!!!
My attempts at recruitment having failed, I turn, disappointed, to re-convene with my team.
I spot something out of the corner of my eye. Enceladus and Cskia appear to be too wrapped up in their merriment to notice it.
“Wait, what is- CAKECAKECAKECAKECAKE”
I sprint back towards the bunker, narrowly dodging a series of Boston Creams from one of the Jadestone side’s pie cannons. I’d been right. Their ammunition had been, in fact, cake.
I ponder over whether or not this is blasphemous, eventually deciding that it doesn’t matter very much.
I grab a pie cannon. I’ve always wanted to use one of these things. Our side is now growing in number and strength. Aiming as best I can at Castle and his alliance, I let loose with the full power of a pie cannon.
KKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I dive back into the building just in time to avoid a burial under a barrage of pies from Enc and the giant space squid. Grumbling angrily under my breath, I venture deeper into the shadows to search through the crates stacked against the walls. The smell of stale crust and moldy filling is overwhelming, but I carry on, prying off lid after lid. Most of the old weaponry looks as if it will be functional once it’s cleaned off.
“Free cannons for every member,” I mutter darkly, as a rotten crate falls to pieces under my crowbar. Cherry-stained pie tins rolls out in every direction. “I’m sure we can do better than that once we’ve done a proper inventory.”
I hear the bunker door slam and Selky shouting. Something about cake. I leave the crates for now and start rolling the cannons out into the open, where the better lighting makes it clear that they are salvageable. “Help me with these?” I ask, as Selky turns away from the door.
“GUYS GUYS GUYS GET IN THE BUILDING”
Welcome, Agent Hippie and Bookgirl_me!
You two and Radient_Darkness keep manning the cannons. I’m going to make sure this place is up and running at it’s fullest!
I quickly run down from the battlement. The dark green stone walls appear to be as solid as ever, so I dash into the surveillance control room. I gently bang on the equipment until it starts up again with a soft whhhhrr.
Perfect. Everything in working order.
I pace slowly through no-man’s land. On one side a fortress is firing pies senselessly into the empty air; on the other side a hovering squid is tearing something apart. I lick the fudgesicle I’m holding. What a pointless war. Violence for its own sake, at the cost of the lives of countless innocent pastries. I bite a chunk off the corner of the fudgesicle. Back in the old days, people had morals, things worth fighting for. The great fight between chocolate and vanilla may have been ugly, but at least it happened for a reason. But this? Just mercenaries looking for paychecks and thrill-seekers trying to get their kicks. Squatting behind a boulder, I brush the dirt off a small trapdoor that I then open with some difficulty. It hasn’t been opened in years, and the ladder down into the earth is covered with cobwebs and pastry crumbs. Holding the fudgesicle gingerly between my teeth, I swing my legs down into the darkness and close the door above me.
Dropping the microphone that Cskia just put back in my hand, I stare at the movement in the middle of the battlefield. Could it be…him?
Unfortunately, while I’m staring, I get a chocolate pie straight in the face. “JADESTONE!” I yell, wiping cream off my face.
After making sure all the hidden cameras are in working order, I head up to the command room. A large circular table stands in the center, the edges crinkled neatly to resemble a pie crust. A map of land is engraved upon the surface. I brush off the old border markers from the last Great Pie War, and set up small figures to represent the new alignments.
Adjusting a communication device on my wrist, I broadcast to the battlements:
“Attention, Jadestone soldiers. Please report to the command room. I have some fun ideas… and the promise of riches.”
I watch nervously as pies whizz above my head. “Uh, muselover, can we build some sort of sophisticated fortress? Or find better shelter? P*ease? I mean, we have Enc riding a giant space squid and Swalot eating as many pies as he can get his hands on, but we’re pretty much out in the open here.”
Since muselover was staring at something, I turned to survey that direction as well. “What is it?”
I turn off the hologram as the squid attacks. A tentacle slams into the ground next to me, sending up a shower of dirt.
“We can’t keep holding out like this! We’re sandwiched between Jadestone and the Cskialliance!”
The Cskalliance, I notice, has only a long stone wall for cover. We’ve got a bunker, but it’s directly between the Alliance’s position and Jadestone’s mountain fortress. Her fortress is far off, but they’ve got more sophisticated weaponry and can launch farther. We’re in a bad spot – we need to move into the forest to our side and fortify a little bit. Until then we can stay in the bunker.
I look down at the bunker’s ceiling below my feet. It seems to be holding. Suddenly, I hear a loud whizzing sound. I drop on my face and feel the edge of a large pie clip my back.
I stop what I’m doing, listening hard as the sounds of battle taper off suddenly. The relative silence makes me jumpy. I hurry to finish with the pie cannons, scraping the last of the congealed filling off the sights. There must be more to this bunker than just the crates, and I start searching along the walls for a door.
Eventually I find a thin, vertical gap. Next to it there’s a blue, pie-shaped button. I press it, and the walls slide apart with a faint whirr. Concrete steps lead downwards in a tight spiral. Lights flicker on as the walls click into place. I check my arm-cannon to make sure it’s loaded and ready to fire if I run into someone hostile, then descend into the room below.
Curious, curious. I’d completely spaced out when you asked me for help with those boxes, and I figure that someone should accompany you in your journey downwards. I motion you to hold on just a second, although I don’t see if you catch that.
“Castle?” I run outside and look up at the roof of the bunker, hoping you’ve still got the Minipie launchers with you. “Hey Castle… wanna trade? This piezuka is becoming more trouble than it’s worth, and I’m going underground. Taking it with me probably isn’t the best idea.”
There’s more crates down here, larger than the ones in the room above. I’m more interested in the bank of dusty screens along the far wall, and I hurry to the tiny control panel in front of them.
I hit buttons at random until the screens start to turn on. Most are rendered useless by the old filling smeared across their cameras, but enough are functional to make out the majority of the battlefield.
Someone calls my name and I look over my shoulder. It’s Selky, who’s just reaching the bottom of the stairs. I grin at her, then stagger against the control panel as the whole bunker’s rocked by an impact.
I press more buttons on the control panel, fiddling until a map of the bunker shows up on the biggest screen. “Selky, come look at this,” I say excitedly.
Jadestone’s announcement comes through very old speakers and startles me, but I heed her order and head up the stairs to the command room.
“So, you have some fun ideas?”
*storyteller mode disengage*
WHAT IS THIS??? Not a pie flung in ages! Well. I’ll just have to change that.
KITTY PIES ALL AROUND *splat* *splat* *splat*
These pies do not contain actual cats, but a mixture of custard and CATNIP!!! Cats from all around are attracted and the opponent is incapacitated by cuteness!
KITTIES EVERYWHERE
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
meow meow meow meow meow
RRRAOW! (someone stepped on my tail)
I crawl across the battlefield, trying to look as flat and inconspicuous as possible. Strapped all over my pie battle uniform are various dessert-based weapons. Pies and occasionally cats whizz back and forth over my head, splattering me with custard, but I keep moving, trying to get to shelter.
((I’ll join an alliance if anyone wants to …))
As Rainbow*Storm is crawling, she bumps into a tall purple figure. It’s Swalot. He extends an arm to Rainbow*Storm and says “Hows about joining the Cskialliance? It has quite alot to offer.”
“Sure,” I say, and follow him behind the Cskialliance’s barrier, where I meet up with Cskia, muselover, and Koko’s Apprentice, who are discussing building a better shelter as pies splatter the wall.
“So, um, what raw materials do we have? Other than pie, I mean,” I say, as I see Rainbow*Storm walk in. “Hey, Rainbow! Any ideas?”
Above the noise of pies hitting our building, I hear sudden meowing. Can it be someone is attacking us with cuteness? I run outside with my cupcake shooter and take cover behind some convenient bushes. Cats everywhere!
I use a sensor I pulled out of nowhere in particular to find the source of the catnip pies. The fighter is a long way from the Cskialliance and Jadestone fortress. So is the second person I see, around where I was before I joined Castle. I take a high-tech microphone, from nowhere in particular, and call out in their direction:
“Attention all unallied pie lovers! Our side is happy to have you! We also have banana custard!”
Somewhat reluctantly, I leave my position at the cannons. I head to the command room, trying not to get lost. I enter inside, and wait for Jadestone’s orders.
((Can we make all story posts in first-level comments? It makes things a lot easier to follow. Nesties are easy to overlook.))
((Seconded. Sense, this makes.))
((Thirded.))
((Good idea. Hmm…which other thread did we do that for?))
((I believe that it was the… Halloween Ball? Not sure. Some sort of event last fall, I know that.))
Selky disappears into the bunker, but I’ve still got a piezuk-SUDDENLY CATNIP PIES EVERYWHERE OH GOD WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. I dive off the roof and back into the bunker to avoid the barrage of catnip pies suddenly flung about the battlefield.
I lean against a wall, panting. That was a close call. One of those pies nearly took my head off.
I see that a gap has opened in the wall and that Mikazuki and AL still seem to be opening crates. I walk to the gap and see steps leading down. I prepare a couple pies in my Pifle (that’s a pie rifle, it has a very wide barrel and fires either large pies in a big arc or small pies accurately) and set it to Minipie mode. TNÖ and Selky are both down here, huddled around a small computer console set into a bank of turned-off screens and input panels.
((Madness? This is SPARTA … with cats.))
Coming back from a rather long break in which my internet pie cannon broke, I arm myself and jump into the fray.
Hearing Jadestone’s call to action for her team, I decide this makes for an interesting opportunity. Quickly pieing Agent Hippie as I run past, with her out of the way, I now sneak into the battlements, camouflaged by my frosted armor, and settle myself into a rather excellent undisclosed hiding place to hear the “fun ideas”
I REFUSE TO JOIN ANYONE IN THIS WAR THAT IS RAPIDLY DETERIORATING INTO AN RPG!!!
I AM A CHAMPION OF THE OLD WAYS!!! DEFENDER OF SPONTANEOUS AND MOSTLY UNWANTED PIE-THROWING!!!
Kitties. The kitties will come and then they will snuggle and love and you will be powerless. The kitties will rule the world.
RULE THE WORLD, I TELL YOU!!!
KITTIES, COME TO MEEEEE!!! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
There’s an idea for teams: the RPGers vs. SMUPTers. Hmm. Wonder how that would play out….
*hurls pumpkin pie at passing rabbit*
Oh no… This is bad. Very, VERY bad. I saw 3 kitties today. NOOO!!!
HEY what is bad about that?!
yea your profile picture looks like Pikachu
– Cskialliance –
I take the opportunity to reload my PI-42 Dessert Eagle Pifle with more sugar-based ammunition as I unpack my weapons. “Um, I have frosting, Nutella, maple syrup, and sprinkles. Lots of sprinkles.” I toss a light dusting of glitter sprinkles over a lemon pie and fling it over the barrier at a Sith/Browncoat trying to sneak past our defense line.
((Can I just say that the “Dessert Eagle” pun made my day?))
((Same. Hee hee, pifle.))
Initialize PIE ENHANCER!
.
.
.
->
-o>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-oo>
-o>
->
Pie Enhancement Complete!
FIRE CANNON!
Wincing as Jadestone’s announcement booms over our position, I wish that perhaps she had a different way of communicating with us. Maybe via earpieces. Get it? EarPIEces? I smile at my own wit before realizing that a) no one else is impressed and b) they’re all ahead of me on the way to the command room. Sighing, I rush to catch up with the other cannoneers.
ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This has become too confusing for me, so I shall FLING PIE OM NOM NOM NOM
((AAH how did this thread get so long I last posted like three days ago this is really moving quite rapidly))
~Castle’s Alliance Or Whatever We’re Calling Ourselves Now~
I duck from the oncoming onslaught of pies, and wonder what I was looking for again. “Oh yes!” I say. “This thing.” It’s a somewhat ancient pie launcher, but it’ll still work, and we need all the weapons we can get. “Anyone want to use this thing?” I shout, knowing I shouldn’t trust such a weapon in my own hands.
((I feel weird when things are named after me, but if you want to call it that, sure. I’d use the term Rebellion muself, though.))
((That was supposed to say “myself” but it looked like “muse-elf” so I let it slip through.))
Ignoring any and all calls for reason or order, Vendaval charges onto the battlefield. I’ve hardly seen such chaos in my time… I mutter under my breath, so that only myself and you, dear reader, can make out my words. Why, according to the readings on my handy analyscope here, it appears even narrative structural integrity is rapidly degrading! How my analyscope even continues to function on such an entropic field is a mystery in itself, unless… No, it can’t be! Paradoxically, paradoxes themselves have become unbound from their restrictions in normal timespace, like an apple filling bubbling over the crust of a freshly baked pie. you say to me! This is reminiscent of the days of yore, when rivalries between rabbits and martial artists spiraled out of control until the participants could no longer remember the causes of their conflict, nor why they had projectialized pastry. You wonder, does any thing really have any real meaning at all, besides the pie?
And that’s when the meringue hits.
((Very moving, and so true.))
As Agent Lightning calls out to someone who would like to take the ancient pie launcher that he held Swalot appears behind him and says “I’ll take it gladly” and snatched the launcher from Agent’s hands and triggers it while aimed directly at Agents astonished face.
He sinks to his knees, knocked unconscious by the pie. Swalot then drags him off to a secret base for interrogations, location is unknown to all except anyone in the Cskialliance.
((psssst AL is a girl))
((oops, I’m so sorry AL >.<))
I hear a gender-confusion commotion from the surface. I figure that if Swalot can get halfway to a secret base in one sentence I can get out of a bunker in half of one, so I’m very suddenly on top of the bunker. Looking to my side, I see the Alliance still huddled against their wall, looking for a way out. I see Jadestone’s fortress in the other direction. Looking south, I see two small shapes in the distance. One is wearing a rather strange face that resembles a crazy, bloodthirsty cannibal.
“Must be Swalot,” I reason.
I start running. When I’m about twenty meters behind him I whip out my Pifle and leap into the air for dramatic effect. I fire from my lofty position floating in the sky and it smacks him square in the back.
“Yeah, where’s your cephalopod now, huh?” I say, dropping down next to the person that is now revealed to be Agent Lightning. She’s still out like a light and appears to have a bit of banana on her nose, which I wipe off.
It’s getting towards dusk – time for another run across the battlefield. Picking AL up, I start moving. Pies are still being flung across the field, but from what I can see the Cskialliance is on the receiving end. There’s a number of old rock walls scattered around, probably because this used to be farmland, so I move across the field on the Cskia side, taking cover behind walls as I go. When I reach the bunker, I go inside and down the stairs and set Lightning down on the floor. Looking around, I see that there’s a small doorway leading out of the computer monitor room. Picking AL up and walking inside, I find a bed, which is where I put her and wait for her to wake up.
“Swalot should have a fun time getting back in the dark,” I think to myself.
Niiiiiiiice! ♥♥♥♥
I survey the field from behind pie-covered glasses. Everything appear as a haze of yellow and pink blurriness.
Enc and the giant squid are still terrorizing the skies. Swalot had run off to I-don’t-know-where, the rest of our little team is armed with pies and frosting and Nutella and sprinkles and pie launchers and miscellaneous other objects, including but not limited to a Babel fish and something which is apparently a Dessert Eagle Pifle, while sitting behind some hastily built barricades. The sounds of war ring across the field: whizzing projectile pastries, splatting and yelling, some adorable noises that sounds like mewing (?!).
Dusk is falling and the battle shows no sign of slowing down. I stand up and begin fixing up a new wall with pies as bricks and Nutella as mortar. Then I decide that is a possibly very useless idea, just as a pie slams into it and sticks, causing the shiny pie tin to stick out and shimmer in the last rays of sunlight.
“Oooh, pretty,” I say in a daze. “I have an idea but it’s probably a pointless one! What say you guys to finding and/or creating a better shelter thing for ourselves? I can distract the enemy piers!”
((Castle seems to have coined the name “the Cskialliance” but I’m not sure that is the best way to name our team. It makes me seem like the leader, which I’m not, so…))
((It sounds nice, and you were the first to form a team. If you have a problem with it, though, I’ll call you something else.))
Still crouching in my hiding spot waiting for Jadestone’s meeting, I continue arming my various pie turrets in preparation for an assault. I set up various turrets surrounding my hiding place, all pointed at various strategic locations where people would be likely to sit/stand.
I then start setting up defensive shields to block any incoming attack if I should be found.
“I may be outnumbered, but if I get lucky, I may be able to overhear their plan without being seen. Even if I am seen, I may be able to escape in the confusion of the turrets”, I murmur to myself under my breath.
I am formally submitting my resume to join an alliance…
*Cskia- I enjoy being on the side that everyone gangs up against and find your alliance very appealing. Plus, Koko’s Apprentice pied Agent Hippie and that made me happy. So, before I get PIED TO DEATH, please consider adding me.
“We are very glad to have you,” I say to Drama Llama, “Come in!” I motion from inside the barricades.
With my warriors all gathered around the map, I start the meeting.
“All right. Some of you have been involved in other pie wars, though I know some of you are newer. But it’s been a long time since some of the older ones. However, there are many things that were used in those wars that were abandoned as they ended. I happen to remember quite a few of the weapons and artifacts, and they would be invaluable to us if we could find them.
I say we let Castle and Cskia’s side fight it out for a bit. Then, when both are weakened and we are armed to the teeth, we strike.
Now, I think I can remember some of the places where the weapons might be cached. They’d be very hard to find unless you knew where to look. If you look at this map, you can see how much farther the Crust Desert extends than it used to. But I think I can recall well enough how to get to the places.
All in all this shouldn’t be too arduous a journey–esspecially if we can unroot some of the old stables. Before there was all this fancy technology around, we used to ride into battle on all sorts of pie-animals. They don’t take to new owners well, but I was close with a few of their owners, so maybe they’ll remember me and will agree to pair with you guys. Worth a shot, anyway.”
I look at my team. “What do you say?”
((Ah, dessertification — no doubt a result of Global Rewarming.))
((I was going to retreat into the forest and wait for you two to fight it out.))
((I was considering watching you guys fight for a while.))
After hearing Cskia complain about our name (or lack thereof) I loudly voice my opinion:
“NAMES ARE LIMITING! AS SOON AS WE ARE NAMED, WE ARE DEFINED! AS SOON AS WE ARE DEFINED, WE MAY BE NEGATED!”
To emphasize my point, I send negative energy pies spiraling down upon Castle’s head.
Hearing Enc yelling from the sky, I mutter, “So we’re the Team That Shall Not Be Named? VoldyGroup?… or is that in itself a name too namely to fit our title…”
I sit back down and try counting the members of our alliance. Muselover, Drama Llama, Rainbow and me in the barricades. Enc in the sky. Swalot and KA somewhere. For some reason, the other sides appeared larger and generally better-armed.
As soon as I hear Jadestone’s “What do you say?”, I spring out and start activating the auto turrets.
“I say: We’ll beat you to it!”, I yell as my turrets start flinging pies every which way. Hoping the turrets will keep them occupied long enough for me to escape, I rush out through the nearest exit, sprinting towards my alliance to tell them what I’ve heard.
I quickly press buttons on the controller at my wrist, sending the fortress into automatic lockdown. All the exits slam shut, and the drawbridge was already raised. He’ll have to brave the blackberry moat, and the pieranhas, if he wants to escape. That is, if Ishtar, my pie polar bear who had been roaming the halls, didn’t find and capture him first.
However, I am not worried. I never said exactly where the buried treasuers were, after all, just that they were somewhere within the vast Crust Desert. And where I had in mind, you’d have to have been there before to really know where you were going, or the outcomes would be perilous. And what I had in mind were very specific weapons, crafted by a long-gone expert and hero–that is to say, the one who was once my main rival.
I wipe the filling off my shirt–I am no stranger to being assaulted. “Well?” I ask my side, calmly.
Who wants to join Team SMUPT? (see comment 55) DEFY THE RPG!!!
There aren’t any more kitties. They’re tired.
BLUEBERRY PIES FOR ALL.
well i don’t know much about war… but i can bake!
ok since i am soooo derpy! i deserve a pie in the face!
*stands in between two sides*
SPLAT!!!
there… i deserved it!
((Are you new to the blog? If so, welcome! Have a look at the Welcome, Neophytes! and random thread.
That is, if you didn’t wander in, post, and leave never to return, which would make this post awkward.))
I HAVE RETURNED!!! i am againsed Kokopelli’s team AND the other team! i have a team of my own now! the Catulas! if you love cats join the Catulas and FIGHT TO END THE WAR!
Slipping past the enemies, I rush out of the room to see the gates have closed behind me. Thinking fast, I seal the door behind me with some quick drying rock hard pie frosting, and start running around looking for an exit. After five minutes of running and no luck, I start considering other options.
I see the blackberry moat to my left, and decide that it’s my only option. I jump in, and only in mid jump do see the pieranhas.
“Well cake!”, I think as I pull out my pie crossbow. I load a dried frosting bolt and fire rapidly, reloading and swimming all at once. I don’t make much progress though, as it’s all I can do to fire rapidly enough to avoid getting… … … … (What do these things do, anyway?)
((I’m not sure about pieranhas, but piranhas would probably attempt to eat you.))
Maybe they only eat you if you’re covered with pie…and there’s the rub.
((Hmm, I thought that this was supposed to be a non-lethal pie war, which is why I didn’t know, but hey, I may give it a shot and get a toe bit off or something))
((Don’t worry–they just gum you and don’t let go until you’re so covered with them you can’t move. No lethal things!))
((Also as to escaping them, if you throw things that make big splashes they might get distracted!))
Quickly follows *Cskia to safety. Well, safe for the moment…
Hidden away in a corner of the bunker, I am preparing myself for battle. I grimly suit myself up in Pythrite armor, slipping the weightless, pie-resistant crust mail over my thin pie tin breastplate. Taking up a whipped-cream longsword from the pile of weapondry in the room, I take a deep breath and charge up to the surface.
*fires cannons randomly because the thread has stopped dead*
Suddenly, Jade’s cannons.
“Uhhh… to WAR! I think. Or so I remember…” I manage.
Then, *SPLAT*
Firing my crossbow rapidly, I realize that the eyes of the pieranhas flash towards the bolt every time it enters the black berry. Thinking fast, I throw my crossbow as far as I can away from me, and swim as fast as I can away while they’re distracted.
Stepping onto dry land, I run as fast as I can towards my alliance’s barricade. Stepping in, I tell them what I heard, all the while launching pies with the cannon to keep the enemies busy.
I look through the bunker with the rest of my group, and find myself in a corner. I move a pair of cannons to reveal a pie-encrusted object. I break off the crust, and find… a muffin shooter! The still-clear lettering on its base says MUFFIN DISPENSER 2362459
.
How convenient, since I had a delicious batch of choclate-iced muffins waiting for the right weapon.
=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]
=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]
I run downstairs. “Come on guys, no time to lose!” I grab all the equipment we’ll need and jump onto Ishtar, and start the fortress shutting down. Once we’re all out, it will be impenetrable until we return.
I began rushing to the Crust Desert.
I wake up to quiet. Wait, I wasn’t planning to sleep just then! Sleep is for the weak! I get out of my corner of the bunker and check on the screens. I can’t see any more pies being thrown. The Jadestone Fortress and Alliance are quiet. Maybe people just got bored and decided to rethink their strategy… or someone has rethought it and is up to no good.
there is only one member of the Catulas! i must get more members!
let the madness begin!
[Plus about a gazillion more. –Admin.]
I listen intently as KA explained the new information obtained from spying on Jadesone’s Side. Meanwhile, countless pies soar overhead.
“Well, I guess they won’t be much threat for now. Castle’s group appears to be retreating into the forest, so not that much trouble there either. We’re just sitting in there barricades, I suppose.” I shrug. “Except… there are some people without alliances throwing pies everywhere? I heard something about the Catulas. I’m not horribly concerned about that for now… maybe it’s time we use this temporary ‘calm’ to amass our…power? weapons? I don’t know, something like that.”
ha ha! i have won a triumph over the other side! i have captured *Cskia! ha ha! we will start questions emediately to how important he/she is!
Meanwhile on the battlegrounds…
i roll away from the ever flinging pies. my suit coverd in chocolate. bluberries. and whipped cream. i lick myself off (as any cat would do) and reload my whipped cream blaster. i pull back the trigger and i launch a few gallons of fine whipped cream into the air! it comes down on Jadestone, Maths Lover♥, Koko’s Apprentice and Agent Lightning! what a triumph! hahaha
((Cskia is a she))
thanks
Wait a moment. How did that happen? What happened to me exactly?…
^Cskia is very confused
oh i forgot to explain
i found you lying under a cherry pie tin and i captured you!
now… are you a spy?
Odd, the last thing I remember was sitting in the barricades listening to KA and trying to plan what to do next.
“Spy?” I blink. “For what?”
oh… the team you work on. the team that you are for!
well i guess the pie war has a good army of felines here
never mind that last post
ok dang it! there is something wrong with my computer! i posted something and i regreted it and i posted something else. then post #1 disapeared! so don’t mind THAT post!
NOW IT’S BACK!!! what the heck?!?!?!?!?!?!?
The best thing to do in this situation is take a big deep breath and wait a little while. Moderation can be slow, so if I were you I’d post something and wait a couple hours to check the blog again. I check every couple hours and my post has usually been moderated and replied to by then.
yes yours has been replied to also! i advise your advice
It seems as though the Catulas are quite powerful. Jadestone, what would you say to a temporary alliance between your team and Cskia’s, till the threats subside?
oh they won’t subside! untill I WIN!
anywho! here is what is happening on the battlefield now with me and my (imaginary) ally Marvin! (ps this will take awhile to read!) ok STORY MODE CAT ON!
**********************************************************************************************************************************
I look up as a flurry of pies fly through the air. i roll away from thier targets and into a pie plate full of sugar, lard and milk. aparently someone cheated and just made sour dough and threw it. or they didn’t have enough time before an evacuation. evacuation for what? i didn’t know. but probably pies. (this isn’t called the pie war for nothing you know). i hid behind the big barrier of rocks we called a barrier. i heard a voice behind me “catwoman!” it said “come here! hurry!” i looked up. it was Marvin. a Martian from the distant planet mars. we met each other when he saved my life from an alligator. he motioned for me to come to his hiding spot ,a fallen tree. i came to him. i almost got hit with a pie. getting hit with a pie means you must lie on the ground the rest of the day (rolling in a used pie does not count) and who knows what might happen to you you could be captured or forced to give up your attack plans or worse… abandoned! luckily Marvin was there so in case i did get hit he would take me back to Fort Catula where i would get bandaged and cared for. and -hopefully- not HAVE to act dead the rest of the day. but i did not get hit. so i made it to where Marvin sat waiting for me. i ran up. being cautious from the pies of course. we sat down, i scooped up a piece of pie that hit a rock near us and began eating “blackberry” i thought to myself. Marvin took out his water and drank it. there is one thing about Martians that i don’t understand they never eat! they can only drink. i don’t understand it but i don’t study them. i am friends with one though. and he is very faithful. when we were done with lunch i got out my whipped cream blaster and started shooting. Marvin took out his portable oven and ingredients and started baking some pies. my whipped cream blaster (or WCB as Marvin calls it) was working perfectly. pretty soon Marvin had 2 boxes of pies ready. he attached one to a special gun his twin brother Calvin made him before he went to the pie fields. i went too of course with him. then we formed the Catulas. population of 2 at first. Marvin loaded and shot. his first hit went into the giant Kokopelli tower. where every minute pies zoom out of it’s windows. pretty soon later someone leaned out the window. her idenity could not be placed since pie crust was all over her face. “pumpkin i can recignize it from here” i thought to myself. she of course jumped out of the tower to act dead. she fortunately landed on a soft fluffy pile of cream pie filling. next to her the almighty Kokopelli his self was there. wearing his usual crown. the whole idea of the pie war is to take over each others land. like Monopoly. if one side surrenders to another, they have to work for the winning team if they like it or not. the final winning team takes everyone’s land. and they win. suddenly out of nowhere a pie landed right in my face! of course i lay there obeying the rules. if you don’t act hurt or wounded if a pie hits you then you must work for Kokopelli and i didn’t want to do that because that would mean hurting Marvin and i of course didn’t want to do that. and if you didn’t work for Kokopelli you would be thrown in a dungeon where all you would be fed is used pie. untill someone broke you out or someone won. i lay there with my eyes shut. wishing the day were almost over. but it wasn’t. it was high noon (or around that area) so i had to wait 12 HOURS before i could be normal again! i felt like someone was pulling me away but i couldn’t know who! possibly someone raided us and we were captured or Marvin was taking me to the “hospital” a place where they give you a comfortable bed and decent food untill the next day.
when i woke up (i had fainted) it was the next day and i was in the hospital. a special vet area for animals. they obviously consider me an animal. half woman half cat of course. maybe they saw the tail and took me to the vets. or maybe it was the ears or the wiskers. i looked at myself. oh the PAWS! i get it! anyway. i looked around me. i saw a faithful dog trying to get up to see his master probably. a carrier pigeon with a wounded wing sitting on a perch. my natural instincts kicked in and i shut everything down just in time. and a rat. wait… that rat isn’t a patient! my instinct had a purpose! poor rat. oh well. soon the vet came in and told me i was pardoned. i ran back outside
********************************************************************************************************************************
you will just have to read more when it happens i guess
stay tuned for part two! coming soon
look at this Castle! this is Catwoman! see how easy it is to hack someone people! all i did was click and drag Castle’s profile picture and open up another account on Gravitar.com! JEZ YOU GUYS! Museblog needs more security!
Or it could use more respectful users.
Granted, I was exactly the same when I first came on here (I was actually younger than you are now), but it really is nice to not do this sort of thing. Just a warning: I’m not particularly troubled by it, but others may be if it persists.
And that ended up sounding awfully threatening. Whoops. CATWOMAN IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY
Dear Catwoman, if somebody attempted to impersonate someone else, the GAPAs would be able to notice from their administrative powers of noting the IP address.
Also, this is the internet after all, and the internet is never completely secure; the GAPAs do their best. The point of MuseBlog is not to create an alter ego, it is for an individual to be enself and find a home among a community of people who can support them because they love en just for being enself. So really, we have no need to impersonate one another, and you need not worry about someone pretending to be you.
Catwoman, you’re being really disrespectful. I think you’re maybe trying to be funny, but it’s not working. I would suggest maybe taking some more time to look around the blog and try to get a feel for the community – maybe that would help you. Most neophytes need some time to get used to the blog. I really look forward to getting to know you, but I’d ask that you also get to know us and respect our rules and guidelines. Thanks.
i don’t fit in here either!
Oh. Okay, I did not see this. You guys can tell who’s who, right?
Catwoman, I’m starting to not enjoy this. It’s easy to tell that you aren’t me, because your comment says as much and your name is Castle2, but this still is something that should stop right now. The blog is often a silly place, but not to the point of “impersonating” another user.
<snarkiness>
Also, that wasn’t hacking. Hacking means “gaining access to secure data on a computer”, technically, but another widely accepted definition is “using applications and a knowledge of coding languages to do whatever you want to a website”. What you did is more just pretending to be me. It’s pretty easy to do that.
</snarkiness>
WHAT?!?! i used your name like ONCE!
maybe i should leave and never return
yea that’s what i’ll do. since you don’t like me anymore!
You don’t have to leave. In fact, please don’t. Just hold on for a tiny bit and listen to what we have to say. We don’t hate you. You’re new here, it’s probably your first online community. We’re here to sort of guide you in becoming an awesome internet person if you want to accept our guidance, and there’s some basic things that are just not polite – one of them is impersonating people. I know you’re young and bouncy and full of glee at life and stuff ( ), but you have to understand that there’s some things that just aren’t polite on the internet.
I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I don’t hate you. It’s been a while since we’ve had younger newcomers on the blog, and I’m just not used to it. I have to turn my forgiveness and fun dials back up to 11, I think.
I agree. It’s really nice to have someone as young as you on here, because I personally think that you will grow up to be a SMART AND RESPECTABLE MUSER.
Also, no matter what you do on here, you can rest assured that I was worse.
SMART AND RESPECTABLE, EH?
Yes sir, Captain Tightpants!
Catwoman… Please, we don’t mean to hurt your feelings. You made a mistake. That’s okay. We all make mistakes. That doesn’t mean they should never be pointed out, because how can we learn from mistakes if we don’t know they’re mistakes in the first place? These people didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; we just want you to learn. That doesn’t mean we don’t like you! I’m sure everyone’s willing to forget about it as long as it doesn’t happen again.
Also, the GAPAs can tell it is you.
Not sure who that was directed at, but they can tell it’s both of us, so it doesn’t matter.
yes i do not like that at all but please don’t leave!
I’ve spotted an impostor! Forth, my kitties! Claim what is rightfully ours!
((Indeed you have.))
Hey, isn’t this a PIE WAR?
*pies everyone within a thirty foot radius*
MWAH HA HA!
*thump*
*thump*
*water trembles*
*thump*
MEOWWWWWW!!!!
I’ve been gone for a while. Have you been wondering why?
*thump*
*thump*
MEOWWWW!!!!
Yes, the mecha-cat is COMPLETE! MUAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA
It stands over fifty feet tall and has pie turrets along its back, a retractable pie cannon in its mouth, and eyes that shoot custard.
A FORMIDABLE FOE, DON’T YOU AGREE??? HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHHE
LET THE ASSAULT BEGIN
FOR VICTORY
FOR TEAM SMUPT!!!!
Well, so much for quiet. I consider letting the others fight it out, but I came here to have fun.
I start firing my weapons again.
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Alright! more of the battle! or should i say: BORE of the battle? today i get really really bored in my mission! and i also get my tail crushed! here we go!
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i sit down in a puddle of milk. we spilled a half gallon when we were raided. but i didn’t care… i heard a very loud MREEOW!!!! the Cello Playing Mathematician -also known as Kyra- has built a giant pie flinging robotic cat! i turned my ears away as another hair-stiffing cry rang out. stunning (as i saw) a few people over on the battlefield! they are looking for the gray blue-eyed cat that people have seen causing all kinds of mischief. but NO! i know they are looking for me! so i changed into Cringer! (from He-Man and the masters of the universe and other stuff) hahaha! another meow rumbles over the hills… i turn around. there, coming tord me was a giant robotic machine! with wire wiskers and metal claws! i now knew it was the mecha-cat! i loaded my whipped cream blaster (WCB) amed. and fired! it hit the cat. but it didn’t even stun it! it’s mouth opened. in it i briefly saw was a controll room. and who but the Cello playing Mathematician, Kyra! then came out a quite large cannon. it aimed and shot out a perfect blueberry pie! it came at me! i dodged… or so i thought! that mega monster was taller than i thought! the pie ,as it got closer, became bigger and bigger and BIGGER! untill it was as large as a regular human car!
it hurtled at me. dripping juice and sugar all the while! when it finnally reached me i turned on all fours and ran as fast as i could! but with a big pie, you’d need an awfully big pie tin! the pie missed me but the tin didn’t. the next thing i new i felt pain but i didn’t know where it was coming from. then my tail felt numb. i looked around. the giant pie had landed on my tail. it hurt now. the giant cat let out another loud MREEEEEEOWWW. i coverd my ears. i loaded my whipped cream blaster with whipped cream and cherries and peanut shells. anything i could think of that would damage the fragile pieces of the robot. i loaded and fired. the WC scattered all over the field! but the most of it hit the Mecha-Cat and soaked into the wires and pieces. the treature staggered. it reached down and grabbed me! i tried to escape but it was too big! it tightened it’s grip. it staggered again. then fell. scattering CPMT (Kyra). she landed on her back she got up. dusted herself off and ran away. i on the other hand (litterally) was laying in the creatures’ paw staring up at the sky. it was begining to get dark and the dead robot still grasped me in it’s grasp. i was beggining to get impatient! “where is Marvin” i think to myself “he can fly! i’m sure he will see me soon!” but nope! i began to worry. suddenly out of nowhere i herd a buzzing niose!. a pie? nope i was the buzzing of Marvin’s hoverhat! yay! as pies flew around us, Marvin helped me out of the robot’s arm! i explained then,we went back to Catula Castle.
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ok more coming! (P.S. i hope you like my new Profile Pic!)
Curses! My Mecha-Cat is destroyed!
I will have revenge.. I swear it. But for now I must hide.
*confetti*
obviously the Mecha-cat was the source of the whole pie war!
after i destroyed it the pie war stopped cricket-silent
AH HA! now i will use the blog for my use only MWAHAHAHAHAAAA
*searching in desert*
AHA! I HAVE FOUND IT!
*vanishes mysteriously beneath the sand*
I have come up with a new breed of sugary weaponry. I call them the warping pies! Try one! (GAPAS-these will not go anywhere but Museblog)
Have fun?
(please click on this in recient comments bar)
i stand in an empty battlefield. the Catulas had gone through so much. but as i stared down the hill, at the fallen trees, the abandoned castles and the moldy pieces of squashed pie left by the battlefielders. only one remains. me, and Errata. even if she wasn’t part of this war in the beginning. she is now (i apallogise if you happen to be a he) her village was destroyed by the pies. Kai D was the last one to throw a pie. he was killed by an unexpected insanity-stroke. me and Errata are all that are left. this place is so quiet. so quiet. if only another pie war started.
suddenly out of the cornor of my eye i see… i see a sudden flash of pink.
i quickly grab my Whipped Cream Blaster and fire! the pink flash disapears. i decide to fly up and check it out, it is another flash of pink and cute sounding whispers. i froze, “Is it a pink bunny?” i wonder. i rush down as fast as i can, blue flames leaping up behind me, i go down and pass the pink thing to be sure to freeze it with my icy blue flame. i stop so suddenly it breaks the sound barrier (like rainbow dash’s sonic rainboom exept blue) i watch the blue ring quickly as i turn around, still hovering there with my wings outspread, i see a pink bunny incased in ice! “could this be another bunny invasion?!” i realize with a jolt. a minute later the ice wore off. as the bunny fell out of the cold brick i grabbed his ears before he could escape. “What are you doing here?” i asked it “i tell you NOTING!” it said in a squeaky voice that hurt my ears. i look around, i looked at the top of the hill that slopes down toward Catula Castle and where we were standing. i noticed a little pink dot. then another, and another until the whole hilltop seemed to have a pink lining. then i realized, a whole horde of PINK BUNNIES! i run into the castle and put the pink bunny in the dungeon. i fly to the control room. almost slip on the ice my running left behind and skid to a halt at the control room door. i open it and rush inside. i turn on “Auto Defense” i hear clicks all around the castle -that means it’s working- i look at the window. i see a pink helecoptor. but i also see a pie cannon and a few whipped cream blasters, duplicates of my own but specially made to be mounted on a wall for the auto defense system (or ADS *unrelated note, sorry if the ADS means something else. end of unrelated note*)
some crossbows, loaded with berries whipped cream and melted -but still cold- chocolate ice cream bomb-arrows. whenever it hits something, it explodes and chocolate and whipped cream and berries fly everywhere!!! i quickly turn on “Force field” emediately i see a blue barrier surround the castle. this force field is specially designed so that anyone or anything (example: choclate bomb arrows ) inside it can get out but nothing outside can get in. as the helecopter gets closer (it was inside acedentally) my AD system emediately kicks in and fires! a few seconds later the pink helicopter’s propeller was jammed with pie crust and berries. it fell to the ground and exploded. i watched the other pink bunnies trying to get in through the force field. it was impossible for them! their attempts all end in fail. Satisfied, i go down to the interrogation room to prepare beforehand. i always keep potions and hypnotism videos handy in this room. i grabbed a hypnotism video that said “tell truth” and went to the dungeon to find the pink menace!
i took the bunny by the ears and led him to the interrogation room. i tied him to the chair and played the tape. i left the room so as not to be hypnotized. what if I was captured? a little while later i Knew the tape was done so i wend downstairs and ask him questions. he told me that the bunnies attacked us because we were weak after fighting each other so we would surrender easier. i heard a siren outside. so i quickly threw the bunny in the dungeon and ran to the window to see what was happening. the bunnies had managed to dig a hole under the force field and they fired a shot at the castle. the motion sensors apparently missed the weapon and it hit the castle. it must have been a powerful weapon. because it blew a big hole in the wall! but my trained cats overpowered it and filled in the hole!
“well everything is up to normal so far” i thought “hopefully someone will come to help, its more fun that way!”
Hmm…. It appears i was the last person to actually post on here… This was very sad to look back at… an empty battlefield… The last of the sugar-eating ants have deserted. But… one question hangs firmly in my mind.
Who won?